The Battle oh DOOM! BWA!
by Mare
Summary: Oh-ho-ho! Can we say hyper? Say it with me! HYPER! ^_^ I'm such a dork, I really am. This has some nice Harry and Voldie (romance! *gets hit with a mallet*) time where they pelt each other with things. Complete humor. XD I like butterscotch custard!


A/N: Hello!! This is just a short, one shot humor that I wrote a while back.. just found it while going through my junk on my computer, so I figured I better put it up.  
  
Disclamer: I don't own nothing! ... well, except maybe the butterscotch custard... *giggles*  
  
The Battle By Mare  
  
This was the battle to end all battles; this was the war to end all wars; this was the final brawl between good and evil; this was the final clash between Gryffindor and Slytherin.  
  
As each side stood ready, weapons in hand, determination splattered upon each young face, one had to wonder what was the meaning of it all was- all this useless battling. What good will come of it? What was the point of sending young witches and wizards, each with a life ahead of them, to the battlefield, to be slaughtered by the other side?  
  
Each leader, one a boy not even out of school and the other a dark wizard who should have been dead long ago, came to stand in front of the lines of young soldiers. The boy, messy black hair and eyes an emerald green, was still in mild shock at the way this battle was to be fought. The boy, Harry Potter if you must know his name, thought this style to be rather barbaric and quite uncivilized, yet had agreed to the terms upon consulting the schools headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, a respected and powerful good wizard. The dark wizard, Lord Voldemort himself, had thought this as a brilliant plan. What a better was to humiliate the boy then this barbaric display?  
  
"Do you agree, dear boy?" hissed the drawling voice of the snake-like creature, arms crossed and face twisted into a hideously triumphant smirk.  
  
Glaring hatefully at the snake, Harry called out confidently across the land keeping the pair separated. "I agree with your terms, Voldemort. I don't like them, but I agree none the less."  
  
A high-pitched laugh barked out across No Mans Land, sending dreadful shivers down the spines of both sides. Whether they be excited or troubled depended upon what side the person was on.  
  
"You don't have to like them, Potter! You just have to abide by them!" the snakes voice hissed once again. "Can we expect you and your side to abide as well?" Harry shot back, voicing the concern of all his soldiers. They may have been friends in his lines, yet they were still soldiers nonetheless.  
  
"You must know by now, boy," Voldemorts dreadfully cold tone echoed ominously across the marble flooring, "that I never go back on my word, correct?"  
  
That was the closest Voldemort had ever come to saying yes, and it was good enough for Harry. "Fine. Let's get this over with." Harry hissed.  
  
Readying their weapons, Harry and Voldemort slowly marched into the center of No Mans Land, their feet upon the marble flooring the only sound within the hall. Not taking their eyes away from one another, the two deadly rivals met each other in the center of the hall. Each lowering their weapons, they found themselves wrapped in each others embrace. Kissing each one another passionately, they.  
*Mare gets hit over the head with a very heavy wooden mallet*  
Mare, strikingly beautiful (yah right) and intelligently bright (uh-huh, sure), glared up from her writing at the very pissed off looking plot bunny sitting on top of her computer. Face melting into a cute pout, her eyes got all watery and she got down upon her knees.  
  
"Oh please, oh great bunny! I'm sorry I have forsaken your great idea plot thingy, I just got carried away!" Mare cries, bowing down to the ground, then looking up at the bunny, eyes big and watery behind bronze frames.  
  
The pink and green and yellow bunny-rabbit thing glared at her. Then in a booming and quite cute voice, it spoke onto the newly turned sixteen (yay!) year old author. "All right, but if it happens again, I'll bop you with the stone mallet!"  
  
Her ocean bright eyes, wide with terror, sparkled in the soft afternoon light. Nodding, the girl quickly sat upon her computer chair once again and started to type.  
*The pink and green and yellow plot bunny jumps around, signaling that this narrative is now going back to Harry and co.*  
Readying their weapons, Harry and Voldemort slowly marched into the center of No Mans Land, their feet upon the marble flooring the only sound within the hall. Not taking their eyes away from one another, the two deadly rivals met each other in the center of the hall.  
  
The hundreds of students and teachers within the lines of the battle-ready watched the their leaders closely. When both The Boy Who Lived and He-Who- Must-Not-Be-Named struck each other with their weapons, then the battle for the waiting would start.  
  
Raising their weapons high, both Harry and Voldemort struck.  
  
The Dark Lord, now covered in a quite tasty amount of butterscotch custard, motioned to his soldiers, mostly Slytherin and Ravenclaw students, to advance on Harry's side, while Harry, slightly aghast under a layer of Chocolate Mousse, motioned to his side to join the battle.  
  
The Battle of Dessert Items had begun.  
  
Everywhere, cream pies and strawberry short cakes flew through the air, hitting students left and right. The Slytherins and Gryffindors, if one looked closely enough, were the ones fighting this battle the most, while the other students mostly stood back and let them go at it. Most teachers were staying out of it as well. That is, all save for the ever-loyal potions teacher, Professor Snape, the rowdy werewolf, Professor Lupin, the wicked cool yet extremely strict teacher that nobody liked, Professor McGonagall, and the forever ten-year-old-in-a-eighty-year-olds-body, Professor Dumbledore.  
  
Harry was pelting Voldemort with pies of every flavor, as was the brain- child, Hermione, and the ever exuberant red-head, Ron. Snape was taking advantage of Harry's concentration, and started throwing various types of cookies at the boy. Reamus Lupin and Minerva McGonagall were throwing strawberries and whipped cream at each other, obviously flirting, and Fred and George were busy handing out their trick sweets to be thrown (making several people turn into various types of birds and furry animals). Neville Longbottom, covered in custards, puddings, sweets and icing, suddenly had one of Fred and George's Mystery Creams thrown his way, and was turned into a chattering squirrel.  
  
And what has become of the trio of Slytherins we all know would be torturing Harry? Well, they were being held at bay by a certain old wizard who knew a trick or two about killer Lemon Drops. Good ol' Dumbledore, eh? (can you tell I'm Canadain? ^_^;;;)  
  
After an hour, nearly half of the soldiers were turned into furry creatures, while the others lay upon beds of sweets, too tired to really move. Sluggishly, both Harry and Voldemort stood and looked about. The rules stated that whomever had the cleanest looking soldiers would be victorious.  
  
Winding through the fallen soldiers, neither Voldemort nor Harry could tell who was who.  
  
Turning to each other, Voldemort said, "I do believe we have a tie, Potter."  
  
"I do believe you are right." Looking back at the Dark Lord covered in various dessert items, Harry couldn't help but chuckle. "So, are you going to go back to trying to kill me?"  
  
"I do believe I will, boy," Voldemort chirped, licking some of the custard off his finger. "Well, might as well go. Until we meet again." Voldemort bowed his head, then disappeared into the shadows now descending upon the battle field.  
  
Turning back to all his fallen comrades and enemies, Harry let out a soft, exhausted sigh, before slumping to the ground.  
  
The battle had been fought and there had been no winner; the war had been waged, yet still no end was in sight; the clash between good and evil shall never stop, no matter how many wars and battles were won or lost; the clash between Gryffindor and Slytherin has just begun.  
*Mare falls over, happy to have finished the task on which the generous plot bunny has placed upon her*  
The pink and green and yellow bunny-thingy reads the words Mare has written over again, then nods in satisfaction. Slowly the bunny fades out of Mares reality and goes on to find its next victim-I mean Author. Hehe.  
  
Two words flow from Mare's mouth before the story is finished.  
  
"Review, please!!" and then it is done.  
The End! Yay! *happy little jig*  
  
A/N: Yah, yah... *eats one of the Twins mystery paistries, and turns into a giant talking jelly-fish* Very, very strange. One of me weirders ones, I must say... *grins.. wow. That's a weird mental image..* Oh well! Hope you all had fun! 


End file.
